1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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