wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
