Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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