Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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