I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
