Well douche your snatch and let's go!
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
