I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
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Too much gin, very little bucket
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
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I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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