Jerry, you need to find god
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
