Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
