Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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