and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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