wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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