I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just threw up on my dentist
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
