Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
