Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
