it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Someone signed my nipple.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
