i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
