No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
