WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
