I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
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