Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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