it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
im holly from the hills drunk
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
