I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
