Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
