Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Randomize
