There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize