So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I smell stomach acid.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Is Oprah even human
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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