I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She bit a glass in half.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
