it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
