it hurts more in the daytime
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
