She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She said her name was "party"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
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And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
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And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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