im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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