I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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