dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
