I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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