I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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