considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
