I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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