Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
