The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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