Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
