god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Sext me about skeletons
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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