he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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