Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
my sisters under your porch take her home
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
