I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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