I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
