And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
