Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
