im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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