how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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