it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
