Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
God, I missed his penis.
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