I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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