We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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