Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
