Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
