shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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