I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
