Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
