think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
