I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
