Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
