I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
