Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
