piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize