I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
she pinky promised me she was 18
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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